Thank you to Friends and Family

Friends & Family - I am also posting this message to reach out to all those who sent me messages of support, encouragement, kind thoughts and most importantly your precious prayers during my time of grief when Nook passed away. I did not get a chance to read or respond to the 300 or so messages that still float around Nook's and my yahoo, gmail, LinkedIn, and Facebook. But that doesn't mean I appreciate it any less. In fact, that's going to be a comforting, cathartic experience for me to read those messages to keep me going - to reinforce how loved Nook was as a friend, coworker, family member, acquaintance. This is a legacy I can pass onto my children, something they can comprehend versus the incomprehensible thoughts of souls, spirits and how physical bodies become ashes or understanding how God can transport a soul or who or where God is. Sanvi already has her ideas of how to honor her Dad via a scrapbook of pictures, cards we received and printouts of email notes. All of you were amazing in responding so readily with favors and help during the hospitalization and the first few weeks. To my amazing Anaheim Hills and Irvine friends, I am sure you are waiting for the day I move out of AH so I can stop bugging you for tech help, mail support, and Handyman 101!!! For all those who attended Nook's funeral and memorial services in person, I know I did not have a chance to acknowledge everyone that day, but I was truly overwhelmed with the number of people that came to bid him adieu despite it being a weekday and right in the middle of the working day. We are blessed indeed to have such a large extended family - I seem to always have this vision of Nook watching from somewhere above laughing and having a good time socializing at his own funeral with that everlasting smile of his that none of us can ever forget. 

A Big Thanks from the bottom of my heart for all your kindness. 

Sangeetha.

Note: There were several people around the world who wanted to be able to participate in the memorial services and couldn't be there in person - I know some of you feel you need closure too and would have liked to have seen him. If it's of any comfort to you, here's a link to the wonderful slideshow presentation down memory lane that our buddies Sameer and Rajeev put together. It's been my solace over the months to relive the memories via these pictures http://sdrv.ms/Nchsr5. Here's also a link to Sanvi's tribute to Nook as she sang one of his favorite songs: http://youtu.be/kR0U3TGFYO8 or search in youtube by "sanvi kolluru" (Sanvi remembers Nook singing this song as Nook was so impressed with Adele's voice back then - him being sick and at home coincided with the time when Adele won the Grammys - father and daughter usually loved singing the Adele songs together on the iPad). And last but not the least, here's the Nook we all know - with his characteristic smile and a poem written by Aditi where only she could so eloquently describe Nook. As I read the poem again, I can't help attaching the picture of the full moon on the night of May 5th as we were driving back from the hospital. The news described it as one of those rare "once in x number of years type occurrences", when the moon is closest to the earth or some such interesting tidbit, but every month, when the kids and I see the full moon, we call it "Daddy's Day!".

 

 

 

 

Thoughts from Christmas 2012

December 5th, 2012

 

It's been 7 months since Nook passed away. It still feels surreal and I still ask myself the question every now and then - why me?, Could this be happening for real? Sanvi tells me she believes Daddy is coming back. Ronak asks "What is a soul? I don't understand!" He of course has a million other questions leading to it and after it, but I gave up trying to explain patiently what I think are answers from a kid's point of view...because as an adult - I don't know what the answers are - it's vague and abstract to me, how would it come across to a child then?! He is frustrated, I am frustrated that my answers sound like BS!!! He goes to bed after providing his own explanation to all the questions and Sanvi's too - Sanvi changes all the answers to her satisfaction, I feel hopeless...I have 10 books on grief on my nightstand - a few to help children process grief...I read it to them and it leads to more questions....One day they'll come to terms with their own versions of answers. 

Special milestones come and go...we've done a lot of "firsts"...first birthday that Sanvi celebrated post Nook, first tooth that Ronak lost, first vacation without Nook, the list goes on...Sanvi says it's not fair that she didnt get to spend any time with Daddy, I agree too....their loss in unfathomable - I truly can't understand how they feel, as an adult, I can justify or attempt to process my grief but in their little minds, they can't comprehend it - like Sanvi asked me "What's grief and what's sorrow?!" Lucky for me - I had an answer for that one, thanks to the book! Memories are triggered everywhere we go, shows we watch, drives we take, 18 yrs worth of Christmases running around Southern California checking out events, shows, tree lightings, a barrage of house guests and visitors take me down memory lane...seeing things around the house...a burst of tears here and there, unshed tears at other times...this dull aching gaping hole that's in my chest - is that what's called grief? 

But I remind myself, life goes on. Sanvi defines in true Sanvi stye - confidently and succinctly: All living things are meant to be born, go through change, become old and eventually die . I was stumped. Is this the same girl who was trying to make sense of death just a few minutes ago? I guess the books I read to her are seeping through. I am glad she goes to bed with the clarity her little mind needs for this minute. 

 

One year later.....

When one has a new born baby, the new parents keep track of the timeline first by the hours, the days, the weeks, then it goes to months, then years....I did the same thing with Nook after he passed away - I counted the hours, the days, the weeks, the months...it's always on my mind - I see the full moon and I know that's the monthly anniversary as per the Indian calendar - I would honor his monthly date on the English calendar date of the 5th, by doing whatever tradition demanded...cook something he enjoyed eating and make an offering....I kept marking the 5th and the 10th - the day of the cremation and the memorial - the first year death anniversary came - it was such a rush of mixed emotions - I kept myself busy with the Relay for Life to honor his special day when he left us - that kept me going. And now I feel bereft, I still feel a part of me is missing - a limb, an organ, a physical body part - it is said that amputees still feel the missing limb and feel sensations of the missing part - I feel the same....I know something is missing, I remember how it felt when it was there, I can feel it now when it is missing - I know what it is - but I have no control to bring it back. I must go on without that 'part'. And I will go on...the question is how can I do it? It's a journey - and to quote my sister - "this is just the beginning..."

Family and Friends - I am back to blogging as I feel so connected to this blog - this kept me going when we were in the ICU, maybe this can keep me going outside of the ICU too.

Urgent: 4G LTE Wireless Card required for streaming video

Hi all,

Does anyone have a 4G LTE Wireless card? We are trying to do live streaming video of the memorial services and need a 4G card. Please let me know asap at 714-931-4308 or call my friend DT at 714-404-3383.

Thanks,
Sangeetha.

Memorial Service Schedule & Instructions

Hello,
Here's the finalized schedule for Nook's Memorial Service: 
Date: May 10th, 2012. 
Day: Thursday
Location: Fairhaven Memorial Park
Address: 1702 Fairhaven Avenue, Santa Ana, CA 92705
Telephone: 714-633-1442
URL: www.fairhavenmemorial.com (Refer to website for directions/map - Nook's name and program details will be listed under the link Upcoming Services). 
Dress Code: None! In true Nook style, wear what makes you feel comfortable!
Venue: Rose Window Building. When you enter through the gates, there is a board with a list of names for whom services are being held on that day. Each person has a color code. Follow the color coded arrows to your destination. 
Parking: On reaching the Rose Window building, park anywhere along the curb outside the building. 
Program Schedule: 
Open to All: 

Memorial service and visitation…………………...12 pm

Break (Snacks will be served) & Puja set up……….2.30 pm

Private Ceremony:

Cremation Service (Performed by Hindu priest)..…2:45 pm

Webcast: 

If you are not able to attend in person, but would love to say goodbye to Nook from wherever you are, we have arranged for the above services to be streamed live at www.ustream.tv/channel/nook-memorial-service

Donations:
Friends and family have contacted me to convey their condolences by wanting to send flowers to the funeral home. In lieu of flowers, if you are interested, I would like you to consider these suggestions:  
1) I would encourage you to make a donation to "Be the Match" organization (www.bethematch.org). There are several people like Nook who are still waiting for their miracle match. 
2) Donate blood or platelets in memory of Nook who had almost 100 units of blood/platelet transfusions in the last 45 days, round the clock, not counting the endless transfusions he has had, to battle his blood disorder, please donate at City of Hope Donor Center or American Red Cross.  
3) Register to be on the Bone Marrow Registry and hopefully help save someone's life.   
Condolence Messages: 
Thank you all for your kind words of support in this time of grief. I have been reading through all the messages but haven't had a chance to respond back to each message as yet. Please continue to use the email id nookmemorial@gmail.com to convey your messages and send your pictures. 

Memorial Venue and Program

The memorial has been finalized for Thursday May 10, 2012 per the following schedule:

12 pm - 2.30 pm - Memorial service and visitation
2.30 pm - 2.45pm - Break (snacks will be served) & Puja set up
2:45 pm - 3:45 pm - Hindu Puja (prayers)
3.45 pm - 4:00pm - Cremation (to be attended by immediate family members)

The venue is:

Fairhaven Memorial Park and Mortuary
1702 Fairhaven Avenue, Santa Ana, California 92705
714-633-1442

For any further information, please direct your emails to nookmemorial@gmail.com.

Sameer

Memorial Speeches and Photos

Hi All

In preparation for the memorial, we are putting together a presentation including Nook's photos and also consolidating messages from family and friends. Since I do not know all of Nook's close friends and family, I am broadcasting this message through this blog post.

Due to the paucity of time, it will not be possible for all to give a speech during the memorial. We plan to designate a couple of persons to read out messages we put together from you all. Please send in your succint tributes, reflections, rememberances and comments to the email address given below. We will try to include as many messages as we can fit in the alloted time. Also, if you happen to have a photo of/with Nook, especially from his younger days, please try to scan it and send it too.

Please send in your messages latest by Tuesday evening (USA time).

Email for sending the memorial messages and photos: nookmemorial@gmail.com.

Sameer

Memorial Service and Cremation

The memorial service and cremation is tentatively being scheduled for Thursday 10th May 1 PM.

We are still awaiting some procedural documentation from the hospital. Should there be any delay in procuring the documents, the memorial will have to be postponed.

The venue and the timings will be finalized later today. Just wanted to give some heads up to those who are planning to attend.

Will update the blog as and when there are any developments.

Sameer

Sad News

It is with great regret and profound sadness that I write this post on the blog.

Nook passed away at 5.03 pm at City of Hope today after a long brave battle with this horrible disease - MDS. He was so positive he would win this fight, being as super competitive as he was - but the disease won this round. We could not leave the ICU with our heads held high as I thought we would - we became a statistic.

I left the ICU leaving Nook behind laying in the hospital bed.

He passed away peacefully in his sleep. I held him in my arms as he took his last breath. He did not feel any pain - but my pain is unbearable. Things started going south starting from yesterday - his blood pressure dropped steadily all of today - his acetoses level increased this morning - and the body became more toxic, his ventilator requirements went up again and we realized things were critical.

At this time, the family seeks some private time to mourn our loss and work through the grief - so I don't plan to answer any calls or take visitors as yet. Please continue to direct your calls to my cousin Kamala at 952-237-1489.

Thanks for all your support through these miserably hard times. I wish the outcome was different.

We will inform you of the details of the memorial service which will be within this week. The cremation ceremony will be within the immediate family. My cousin will reach out to you for logistics and help.

Thank you so much (from the bottom of my heart - I will forever be indebted to you) for everything - the prayers, the support, the help, the car rides, the affirmations, joining into the exercises.

With profound regards,
Sangeetha.

Favor to pick up Nook's brother from LAX on thursday

Nook's brother is coming to LAX at 7 PM on Thursday (tommorow). Is there anyone who can pick him up. (If you work in that area or drive through that area, it may be easy for you)

 

Not sure if he needs to be taken home to Anaheim or to the hospital. Pl ask sangeetha directly about that and other details if you choose to pick him up.

 

Sangeetha, if u reading this, please put in a comment with details about his name, airline, flight number, where to find him etc. Also mention where he needs to be dropped off.

  

Thanks

Aditi

Volunteer to stay at the hospital tonight?

Hi All

We are taking turns to be at the hospital at nights so that Sangeetha's cousin can get some rest. Is there anyone who can go tonight (Wednesday)? You may go late after dinner and get back early morning before traffic hits. If u wish to go to work directly then you may shower at the hospital. Bring a blanket and pillow or a sleeping bag if u have one. Sleeping in the lobby chair or floor are the only options. Please respond if you can volunteer.
Thanks
Sameer

Puja at the irvine Mandir for nook at 10 am

Hello - please join my family if you can, for a puja on Nook's behalf at the irvine Mandir on Sunday morning at 10 am sharp (April 29th).

Address: 1732 Reynolds avenue
Irvine, ca 92614

Thanks!

Status Update - April 28 : 7 PM

Just visited Nook at the hospital. His condition is the same as has been for the last couple of days.

Sameer

This weekend

Hello everyone,

Thanks for all the support you have provided so far - my family is amazed that I have such a fantastic caring group of friends - I just wish nook was awake to see everyone rally for him like this.

I have a request to make and please don't be offended - I want to spend some family time this weekend with nook and the children - I am sure you are very anxious to visit Nook too - but I feel we need to get together as a family - even if it means Nook can't participate, the kids can hang out and watch TV here in the room ( can you believe I didn't turn it on even once in 35 days!!!! I didn't even feel the need to see TV.)

If people want to visit, I would like to restrict it to a window of 2hrs when u can visit! Only 2 visitors at a time.

Saturday - 5-7pm (they anywAy close at 7 pm for 1 hr)
Sunday - 5 to 7 pm

Thanks for understanding.....

Thanks
Sangeetha.

Status Update - April 26 10 AM

Nook's condition is the same as the last two days. Let's hope and pray for the best.

Sameer

All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope.......Alexander Dumas

2 car-ride favors required

Nook's sister Sarala is coming from India tomorrow april 26th into LAX at 11am. She has been asked to wait in front of the money exchange booth. Not sure if there's one there?!

Will someone be available during the day to pick her up?

2nd car ride - can someone take my sis to irvine at 135 technology center drive in irvine for Thursday and Friday?

Thanks

Status update - April 25th 9 AM

As per our communication with Sangeetha, there has been no change from yesterday.

Sameer

New dial in details - conference call - light exercise

Please join us for the golden light exercise at 7 pm. Please ignore the previous conf call dial in numbers. Please use this...

Dial in -1-530-881-1000
Pass code - 708464

Status update April 24th

Hi all

I am updating this blog on Sangeetha's behalf.

As we all know, Nook is putting up a fight, Sangeetha is supporting him to the fullest, the doctors are doing their best and we all are praying. We hope we all are victorious in the end.

Meanwhile, I spoke with Madhavi (Sangeetha's sister)at 245 PM. As per my conversation with her, Nook is still in a critical state. Yesterday (Monday evening) his heart rate started going down, and has been fluctuating. As per the doctors, this was expected due to the increase of toxicity in his blood.

Other than that, his condition remains the same as yesterday.

Please keep praying.

Sameer

Nook is still the same...

There is no change in Nook's condition as yet. He remains the same - critical.

I am so thankful and in awe of the support I received from such wonderful friends and family over the weekend. Thank you so much for everything. I was overwhelmed by the number of friends that came and showered their affection on us. Nook and I thank you for all the support, food, pickups and drop-offs.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart. I love all of you guys!!! Wish it were different circumstances that we all had this weekend get-together!

Take care
Sangeetha.