We tried to stream the memorial services but it wasn't very clear. Friends from all over the world put everything on hold to see if they could participate. I asked for 50 chairs when we were trying to organize logistics since it was a weekday afternoon and I assumed no one would be able to take off from work. I was surprised and touched to see the place packed and a sea of familiar faces that we knew over our entire lives. I was told there were close to 300 people and 25-30 people who logged in on the live stream. That was the power and draw of Nook's unconditional love and friendship. I hope we did justice to honoring his memories of his life on this Earth. Here's what I shared with friends and family at the memorial services on May 10th.
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I am what I am today because of his strength, support, guidance – he always encouraged me to be independent and gave me my space to do what I wanted to do. He always told me to go hang out with the ‘girls’, go to Happy Hours, go to Bunco and to the movies etc…
As I read the hundreds of messages flowing into my Inbox,
there’s one constant theme that resonates through all the messages – his smile,
his unassuming nature, his humility, his positive attitude, his sense of humor,
his intelligence, and his love of getting together with friends to party and
have a good time personified who he was and his zest for life. I couldn’t agree
more! He often told me to make sure I had an event planned every other weekend.
There was one year, where we had a different social engagement for every single
weekend in the whole year.
He loved to tease me at any cost. He was the Math brain and
the President of the college Match club. I would love to give him mental
arithmetic that was really long and complex and pop the answer would come out
however complex it is…I would have to actually confirm its accuracy by using
the calculator myself. He would love to give me the simplest calculations and
have so much fun at seeing me fumble – of course, he used to be so entertained
with my Telugu too and never corrected any mistakes – he said he wanted to
write a book so that he can laugh for later. Another funny story is the kick he
used to get with my directionally challenged brain. He also used to always tell everyone that he
will one day get a call from Canada or Mexico because that’s how long it would
have taken for me to realize I am lost. So he finally said the amount of money
he spends on gas with me taking wrong exits, he would invest that in a GPS for
me (of course despite that I still get lost – even when he was in the ICU going
to the hospital, I got lost in an industrial area and I figured it out without
calling my lifeline since he was sedated so I had no choice but to figure it
out – I did finally reach the hospital and thought he would be so proud of me).
I’ve lost my friend, my companion, my husband, the dad to my
children, a brother to his siblings, a son to his parents, an uncle to his 13
nieces and nephews, a cousin.
As I walk through the house, every corner I turn is a sad
and painful reminder of his absence. His little post it notes with tasks on it,
his voice on the voicemail, his clothes hanging in the closet, his handwriting
on different documents, his instructions to me, and the list goes on…..we had
so many plans, so many dreams unfulfilled, places to see, things to do, vacations
to take, more drives along PCH to see sunsets at the ocean, never ending
Starbucks visits (I still don’t go into the place), watching the kids grow up,
playing with them, but the more I question the unfairness of it all, I remember
what the hospital chaplain told me – every relationship is always full of
regrets and desires, regrets for all the things we couldn’t do but should have
done, desires for all the material things we wanted to obtain and achieve. After my month long vigil in the hospital,
I’ve come to realize that certain things are out of my control and I have to be
at peace and accept the situation. To quote his friend, who wrote on
a condolence card “No one knows why some of us get hit hard with illness or other serious
difficulties. I stopped trying to understand and accepted that it is part of
life and we do the best we can and just love our families and friends”.
I now have to come up with all the right answers to the
kids’ hard questions – Mommy, why does Daddy need to go to heaven? Why can’t
they find the problem? What is the issue? Is there no powerful medicine, Is
there a super Doctor that is the manager of all the doctors who can find the
issue, how does God take Daddy to heaven? In a hot air balloon? Does God have a
house that will be enough for everyone, if the hospital is closed in the night, how
will God come in? If we go back to the hospital, maybe God will change his mind
and return Daddy, if Rishi (his cousin) can find a cure, can we get Daddy back
from heaven and give him the medicine etc. Sanvi asked
one morning if she can go to heaven, and visit Daddy but stay in the kids
section, who will take me to the library, who will take me to the Donut shop,
their favorite park on the hill etc….
It’s ironic that we had to face the biggest trial of our
life to test the strength of our family relationships while Nook could not
participate in the biggest get-together of all times where family and friends
gathered from all over the world. My
sisters and I all gathered in one spot after 17 years – the prior occasion
being the funeral of my dad and now this. Cousins and brothers-in-law, the children have
not even met each other or seen each other in 20 years!
I now have to continue living life with the tapestry of happy
memories we weaved over the years. I am grateful he left me the two most
precious gifts one can ever ask for – two beautiful children who resemble him
and will be my living reminders of his legacy and good genes.
I once again am so thankful to all of you for the support,
love and unending prayers for the last one month. I wish Nook was
unsedated to see how his friends and
family rallied for him and supported him through this struggle. I last spoke to
Nook on March 27th – this is the first time we’ve ever had such a
long gap in communication and I really miss the constant text messages, email s
etc. But as he used to always say – That’s life, there will be ups and downs,
enjoy the ups, pray we’ll get through the downs and move on in life to the next
adventure.
May your soul rest in peace, my dearest....
May your soul rest in peace, my dearest....
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